Mallets, Boxers, and Eggs
by Ara Moon
Summary: What do you get when you mix a crazed author, a tuna-loving Espeon, a Takeshi-glomper, and a cast of AU characters? Never the Same BLOOPERS, baby!


****

Never the Same

***clears throat* Hello, ladies and germs, I am Scrat-chan. And this -- *holds up a tiny object that resembles a colorful cotton ball with large feet* -- is one of my magic puffball minions. But that's beside the point. I'm here to introduce the bloopers from Ara Moon's fabulous fic, Never the Same!**

Ah… My much-awaited bloopers! Well, I'm saying thankies to all you who reviewed! 

I'm honored that you'd read MY fics, instead of ones by more established authors.

Thankies! This is for you!

Disclaimer:_ Pi! Pikachu pi, pika pi chuu ki. Chu pikaaa pi chu… Pika, Kachi pik chu pi kachu, pi Pika._ (Hi! Pikachu here, with the disclaimer! They seriously don't pay me enough… Well, Ara doesn't own Pokemon, thank Mew.) 

****

Mallets, Boxers, and Eggs-

Never the Same

Bloopers

She cracked her knuckles, shoulders, back, and just about any other bone imaginable. Her nimble fingers flew across the keyboard. She looked from the screen to the keys, and back to the screen, her hazel eyes scanning the words she just wrote. Satisfied with them, she leaned back. Never the Same was inching along well… 

Looking up towards the ceiling, she noticed something was out of place. She stood up, her long golden-brown hair swaying slightly as she did. Inspecting it closely, she realized what it was. "Tenshi…?"

Said lavender furball glared at her. **_Don't "Tenshi?" me, Ara. You've got a fic to write! What are you doing, just sitting here? Get working!_**

She smiled nervously. "Heh… Tenshi, you know I work slowly. And with the writer's block epidemic going around…" The Psychic-type Pokemon gasped at the mention of the "W-B" word. "So, you see, I'm trying not to burn myself out and lose all inspiration." Tenshi floated behind her for a moment before speaking.

**_Ah… then you really just need something to get those creative juices going! And what better way than… _**She landed in front of the computer, opening the portal to the World of the Authors. **_…bloopers!_** ****

Ara landed with a thump on the hard ground. Entering Author World was always rather painful. The first time she entered, she would've sworn that she broke her back. Except for the fact that she acquired the anime healing abilities, making that impossible… 

Looking around, she saw many familiar faces. Scrat was working on her many successful fics, a few chat acquaintances waved, and her fellow PokeAuthors smiled at her. She waved to them all, following her creation. The sassy Espeon led her past the authors into a large, dark building. It was shadowy and surrounded by plot holes, with little multi-colored plot bunnies popping out here and there.

"Er, Tenshi… Why are we going to the editing building?" Her small, purple companion sighed. **_Because, Ara, this is where we keep the pre-edited works. What did you expect when I said make bloopers? Create them off the top of your head? _**Ara sweatdropped. "Well, actually…" Tenshi sighed. **_You're hopeless…_**

The young author smiled as she walked into the building. Screams echoed in the background. "Ah… the sweet sound of flamers suffering in the morning… They should have learned by now that most authors _do _follow out on their threats." Tenshi looked at her weirdly. **_You're sadistic. You know that, right? _**Ara smiled brightly. "Yup!" The Espeon shook her said, muttering. 

Finally, they got to the "A" hallway. She was lucky her pen name was "Ara Moon" and not a "Z" name, or should probably wouldn't find her work until she was sixty. Which would be a long time, considering she was currently only eleven…

**__**

Found it! Tenshi exclaimed. She then grabbed the young author and dragged her into the office marked "ARA MOON." The furball used her psychic abilities to lift the unedited fic files and stick them into the player. She selected "CUT FOOTAGE," and the pair sat down in the two large crimson chairs to watch. 

~*~*~*~***(PROLOGUE)***~*~*~*~

__

(WHEN OTOUSANS ATTACK, TAKE ONE)

Him: Well, well. Has Little Miss Freak-of-Nature decided to pay attention to me? Good. Now, what was that stunt you pulled out there? You know you shouldn't do that, you little bitch. I think you need to be taught another lesson.   
Chibi-Kasumi: No! 

__

Him: What did you say?

Chibi-Kasumi: I said "No!" you stupid bastard! Can't you get that through your oversized empty skull? I'm not a freak of nature, and I don't need another lesson! In fact…

Tenshi: *sitting nearby* **_I told you that going back in time to get the real Chibi-Kasumi was a bad idea…_**

Ara: Oh, shut up. *watches*

Chibi-Kasumi: Argh! *kicks _him _in the… erm, crotch*

__

Him: *high pitched* Why me…?

Ara: I ask myself that everyday, brotha. 

__

(WHEN OTOUSANS ATTACK, TAKE FIFTEEN)

Ara: Could we retake that scene, please?

__

Him: *squeakily* Okay…

Chibi-Kasumi: *nods*

Ara: Okay, action!

__

Him: *ahem* Well, well. Has Little Miss Freak-of-Nature decided to pay attention to me? Good. Now, what was that stunt you pulled out there? You know you shouldn't do that, you little bitch. I think you need to be taught another lesson.

Chibi-Kasumi: … 

Ara: Kasumi?

Chibi-Kasumi: …

Ara: KASUMI!!

Chibi-Kasumi: *looks up, removes earbuds* Yes?

Ara: *shakes head* I just HAD to be the director. I'm a script writer, not a director… 

(WHEN OTOUSANS ATTACK, TAKE TWENTY-FOUR)

Ara: Okay, people, if you don't get this one remotely correct, I'll invite Megan to the set!

Everyone: *shuts up*

Ara: Good. Now… let's film!

__

Him: You know, I want a name. Being _him _is so degrading…

Tenshi: *glares*

__

Him: Oh, yeah, right… Well, well. Has Little Miss Freak-of-Nature decided to pay attention to me? Good. Now, what was that stunt you pulled out there? You know you shouldn't do that, you little bitch. I think you need to be taught another lesson.

Chibi-Kasumi: No!

__

Him: What did you say?

Chibi-Kasumi: *restrains laughter* No. I don't need… I don't need your… *cracks up*

Ara: What's so funny?

Chibi-Kasumi: I don't KNOW! *laughs*

__

Him: Sweet Mew! The insanity! *jumps out window*

Tenshi: **_Insanity… too… great… _***jumps* **_Use the fooooooorce!_**

Ara: *blinks*

Tempral: *pops in* I guess those that are already insane aren't affected… 

Scrat: *shrugs* Oh well. Anyone want ice cream?

Ara: *sigh*

(MY ANGEL, TAKE ONE)

Tenshi: *jumps in, slips and hits camera* **_…Oww…_**

Scrat: *munches Twinkie* Well, THAT was graceful. 

Tenshi: **_Oh, shut up, Takeshi-lover._**

Scrat: You say that like it's a bad thing. 

Ara: *sigh* Why me, Serebii? Why…?

(MY ANGEL, TAKE SIX-AND-A-HALF)

Tenshi: *hops in front of Kasumi* **_Yay! I did it! Did you see, Akuma? I did it!_**

Akuma: *offstage* _Yes, Tenshi. I saw it. _

Shigeru: *snickers* Hey, Tenshi! Purple! 

Tenshi: **_Wha…? _***looks down* **_Ahh! PURPLE! _***jumps, slides into camera* 

Shigeru: Ha! Revenge is mine!

Hiroshi: Revenge for what? 

Shigeru: She took my boxers and sold them… 

Dana-chan: *grins evilly* 

__

(TENSHI ENTERS, TAKE THREE)

__

Him: What is this puny thing supposed to be? A deformed cat? Ha, you two freaks deserve each other!

Tenshi: **_Why you little… Who you callin' a deformed cat, fatty? I could kick your hairy behind in three seconds flat! Grr… _***powers up*

__

Him:*nervous sweatdrop* Ara… help…

Ara: Nope! I dun like you! You hurt Chibi-Kasumi…

Tenshi: *evil grin* **_Hah-hah! Take this, fat boy! _***releases psychic blast*

__

Him:Looks like *censored* is blasting off again…! *tink*

__

(TENSHI TAKES OUT THE TRASH, TAKE TWELVE)

Him: Ha! You don't scare me. You are just a worthless Pokemon, and a Psychic one at that.

Tenshi: **_Wow, you sure fooled me._** *eye roll* 

__

Him: *charges*

Chibi-Kasumi: Watch out!

__

Him: Super Sailor Him, Make Up!

Tenshi: **_What the…?_**

Him: Hah! No one can defeat me, Nega-trash! Mysterious Miniskirt Man Spiral!

__

*A line of dancing miniskirt-wearing chibi bishounen appear*

Ara: Oh my-- is that _Shaun_!?! *huggles*

Scrat: *grabs passing Takeshi chibi*

__

(TENSHI TAKES OUT THE TRASH, TAKE SEVENTEEN)

Tenshi: **_MUST we do this again? He scares me…_**

Ara: He scares me, too, but we must. 

Tenshi: *sigh* **_All right… But only for the sake of Never the Same!_**

Ara: *thumbs up* All right… let's do this! Pika, cameras, action!

Satoshi: Pika? Where the hell did you get "Pika" from?

Ara: *sigh* Aesta ate the wires again. 

Aesta: **_~~Hey! I'm a good lil' Flareon…~~_**

Scrat: Sure you are…

Ara: *sweatdrop* 

__

(TENSHI TAKES OUT THE TRASH, TAKE THIRTY-SIX)

Ara: All right, people! Pika, *glares at Satoshi* cameras, action! 

Sign-Guy: *runs by with sign saying "TENSHI TAKES OUT THE TRASH"*

Tenshi: **_Who the hell writes these titles, anyway? Do I LOOK like a garbage man?_**

Sign-Guy: *runs by with sign saying "I DUNNO, BUT I'M GLAD IT AIN'T ME."*

Scrat: *gives Sign-Guy a cookie*

Ara: Okay, I get it. Break time, everybody!

Everyone: Yay! *scurries off*

Ara: *sigh* Why me?

__

(THE LOBBY)

*Scrat is munching cookies and chatting with Sign-Guy, Takeshi is talking with Hiroshi and Satoshi, and Kasumi is arguing with Chibi-Kasumi*

Shigeru: *runs through* AHHH!! HELP MEEEEEEE!

Horde of Girls: *mallets raised* You better run, boy!

Ara: *blinks* What in the name of the -Oshi was THAT about?

Domino: *last in group* He stole our… *looks at men* You-know-whats!

Ara: *gasp* But what the hell would he want with those? 

Domino: Dunno. But he did, and there are some girls here with "their red flags flying."

Ara: *whips out standard-issue mallet* Let's get 'im! *girls run off*

Takeshi: *looks up* Wow. I guess your mom's blackmail pictures were pretty bad if Shigeru would go THAT far to get them, Satoshi. 

__

*screams echo in background*

Satoshi: Yeah. *cringes* Ooh, that's gonna sting in the morning. 

Hiroshi: Er… Don't you think we should help him?

Takeshi: I wouldn't risk it. I kinda like living, thank you very much. 

Hiroshi: Ooh… *cringes* Ow. THAT one's gonna leave a mark. 

Shigeru: *in background* ARA! STOP!

Satoshi: Yowch. Never mess with a pissed PMS-ing authoress. 

Others: *nod knowingly*

Shigeru: LORD SAVE ME!!! 

__

(ENDING, TAKE NINE)

Ara: All right, people! We get this scene, we're through! Okay, Kasumi? To the Narrating Room! 

__

*Older Kasumi runs to high room with microphone*

Ara: You ready?

Kasumi: *thumbs up*

Ara: All right! Let's do this! You are on!

Kasumi: Life is about as normal as it could be right now. However, I-- *music plays*

Ara: *falls on knees screaming* NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Chibi-Kasumi: *evil grin* What? It's only "Soda Pop" by Britney Spears. 

Ara: *covers her ears, screaming* 

Shaun: *appears, knocks out Chibi-Kasumi, and turns off music* 

Ara: Shaun-koi… *drools* 

Tenshi: *sigh* **_CUT! _**

(ENDING, TAKE TWO-THOUSAND EIGHTY-SIX)

Ara: *sigh* Okay, again. It's only a few more lines. You think you can do it?

Kasumi: Yeah. I just wanna get the hell outta here. 

Tenshi: **_You know, we should be more grateful to Ara-chan. After all, without her, we wouldn't exist. There are thousands of fic-created characters, but she's the one who made us unique. _***stops***_ Did I just say that? _**

Ara: *blinks* Sweet Serebii… *passes out*

Scrat: Er… Medic! Author down! I repeat, author down!

__

*Medics rush in*

(ENDING, TAKE THREE-THOUSAND NINETY-NINE AND ONE FOURTH)

Satoshi: *blinks* How is it one fourth…?

Ara: Stop asking questions! Now, Kasumi, get into that booth and let's finish this! 

Kasumi: Yes ma'am! *salutes* 

Ara: Okay, Pika, camera, and actio- *lights go out*

Everyone: What the…? 

Maniacal Voice: _MUWAHAHAHAHA! You are MINE!_

Tenshi: **_Megan?_**

Takeshi: Nurse Joy? *goes dreamy eyed*

Scrat: *swats him* Twinkay? 

Satoshi: Mom?

Shigeru and Hiroshi: I doubt it's your mom, Satoshi…

Akuma: _Then who is it? Is it... _him_?_

__

Him: No, I'm here. Who the hell are you?!?

Ara: *gasps* It's- it's- it's…

__

*lights go on, creature steps out*

Ara: THE EGG!

The Egg: Toge? Prii!

Horde of Girls: *from nowhere* Let's get it! 

The Egg: Toge toge priiiii! _(I'll be baaaack!) _

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Ara: Sweet Serebii… Cut!

__

(ENDING, TAKE FOUR-THOUSAND)

Ara: I'm getting a headache… 

Scrat: I feel your pain. 

Kasumi: I'm gonna go into my box now, okay?

Ara: *nods* Okay everyone, stand by! We are doing this! 

Kasumi: *from booth* I'm ready! 

Ara: Good luck. *holds breath*

Kasumi: Life is about as normal as it could be right now. However, I know that _he_ won't rest until my dead body is in his hands… 

Everyone: *applause*

Ara: Thank you, Mew! Well, that's a wrap! Go on home now! I'll get started on Chapter One's script back in my world. 

Shigeru: Oh, yay. How many chapters will this thing have, anyway? 

Ara: Uh… *ponders* No clue, love. We'll just have to see, now won't we? *smiles* 

Shigeru: *groan* Ain't this great? And, oh-- wait, did you call me love?

Ara: *kisses cheek* You did good, 'Geru-chan. See you soon! *scurries off to her world*

__

*minutes pass* 

Shigeru: *to Hiroshi* You know, I can't understand girls. 

Hiroshi: *kisses cheek* Good. Then just stick to boys, 'Geru. In fact, just stick to me. 

Shigeru: Okay… *slips arm around waist* Maybe I will, Hiro-chan…

__

*walk off together*

Shigeru: Maybe I will…

~*~*~*~***(AWW…FLUFF!)***~*~*~*~

Tenshi blinked. **_I had no clue that ever happened… _**Ara smiled. "Of course you didn't. I made sure you wouldn't." She sighed, clasping her hands. "Rivalshipping is so _kawaii..._" Tenshi sweatdropped. **_What about Narfshipping? _**The author nodded. "That, too. But look at them. They're so happy together." The two walked out of the room. 

**_Say… _**Tenshi said, looking up at her, **_Why'd you kiss him, anyway? _**Ara smiled. "I wanted to spark a cute yaoi moment. Plus, I was wondering if Hiroshi'd get jealous…" She smirked. 

**__**

Have I ever told you that you're sadistic? Ara nodded as they walked back to her world. "All the time, Tenshi," she said, smiling. "All the time…" 

~*~*~*~***(END)***~*~*~*~

*blinks* That was… intriguing. Well, here they are! Don't worry, I'll get the other chapters bloopered soon. Ah… *grins* This was fun. Thanks to Scrat for ideas! And, for fun, here's an excerpt from a conversation between Tempral and I. Here is… A Tempral Moment!

****

"The cube roots of most numbers are entirely odorless."

Tempral says:

****

Ahh! A giant sloth is chasing me!

Tempral says:

****

It's catching up!

Ara Moon says:

__

RUN, TEMPRAL! RUN!!!!!!!

Tempral says:

****

*runs*

Tempral says:

****

*smacks into a street pole thingy*

Tempral says:

****

*why was there a pole in my room? I have no idea.*

Tempral says:

****

*bites the sloth's fourth toe, then realizes that sloths are only supposed to have three toes*

Tempral says:

****

*it's a mutant sloth*

^_^ That was a Tempral moment. If you have ANY ideas for further bloopers, EMAIL ME! Ja ne!****


End file.
